CHAPTER NINETEEN

The following morning, after I had finished class with the children, Mrs Grose asked me if I had written the letter. I answered that I had, but I did not tell her that I had not yet sent it out. I did not feel there was any great hurry that morning, so I kept it in my pocket to give to the mailman whenever I saw him.

The children behaved extremely well that morning. They did their math exercises very easily and much faster than I could have done them. I felt that Miles' good behavior was a way for him to prove to me that he did not plan to help himself as I had asked him to. There was no sign of worry or sadness in the boy. It was as if nothing had happened the night before. It was amazing how pure and sweet he really seemed. It made the mystery of his dismissal from school that much greater. Even if truly terrible spirits were influencing the boy, it was hard for me to imagine him ever doing anything truly evil.

He was even sweeter later on, when after dinner he offered to play piano for me. While he played, I could not help feeling that his purpose was to say: "You see? I never really intended to go away to another school. I was just trying to make a point to you about how I wanted to be left alone a little more." His playing was excellent and I listened very carefully as I sat next to the fireplace. After half an hour had passed, I suddenly woke up from the dream his playing had put me in and realized that Flora had not been with us the whole time. I sat up straight and asked Miles if he knew where she was. He did not answer right away, but waited until he had finished the song he was playing. "I have no idea." A large smile then opened up on his face and he immediately began another song.

I ran upstairs to see if Flora was in our bedroom. She was not. I searched every room on the second floor, but found her nowhere. I guessed then that she was with Mrs Grose. However, when I found the housekeeper, she was alone. She, herself, had thought that I had taken both children with me after dinner. It was natural for her to think this, because, up until now, I had never left the children alone. There was still the possibility that Flora was with one of the other cleaners somewhere in the house. We decided to stay calm and search the house separately. However, when we met up again a little while later, and could see in one another's faces that Flora was still missing, we both began to feel terribly worried.

"She must be upstairs," said Mrs Grose, "Are you sure you checked every room?"

"I am sure she is not there," I answered, "In fact, I am sure she is not in the house now."

"But surely she would not go outside without wearing anything on her head. You see. She did not take her hat with her. It's still there on the chair."

"Wasn't there someone else who never wore a hat?" I asked.

"Do you mean Miss Jessel? Do you think they are together now?"

"Yes. I am sure they are together. We have to look for them."

Mrs Grose stood silently. She looked very upset. When I touched her shoulder, she did not show that she felt anything. Then, turning to me, she asked, "And what about Miles, do you know where he is?"

"I don't doubt that he is in the classroom with Peter Quint," I said with a calmness that clearly surprised Mrs Grose. "They have cheated me in a very pretty way!"

"What do you mean 'pretty'?" Mrs Grose asked.

"Alright, in a terrible way then. And Miles has put himself in this situation."

"So you will just let him be in there with that terrible man?"

"Yes. It doesn't trouble me any more."

"Have you changed the way you looked at things because you have written to their uncle? Do you feel less responsible?" asked Mrs Grose.

Feeling around in my pocket, I took out the letter and threw it on the table before us. "We will have one of the servants take it into town." I then walked into the entrance way, and opened the front door to go out. I turned and saw Mrs Grose had still not moved. I then continued out the door and down the path away from the house. I heard her shout behind me. "You should at least wear a hat and a coat!"

"She's not wearing anything, so why should I?" I shouted without turning back, "If you are not coming with me, then I suggest that you look for her some more on the second floor."

"Alone?" Mrs Grose said with fear in her voice. She then began to follow me down the path.

(end of section)